


Rim Job

by GleefulDarrenCrissFan



Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, M/M, Misunderstandings, Rimming, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleefulDarrenCrissFan/pseuds/GleefulDarrenCrissFan
Summary: Kurt tells Blaine he wants to give him a rim job.  A rim job doesn't exactly mean what Kurt thought it did.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 63
Kudos: 88





	1. Payback

Rim Job

By GleefulDarrenCrissFan

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Kurt sighed softly as Blaine’s fingers caressed his chest as they laid in the back seat of Blaine’s Prius. “I'd like to give you a rim job.”

Blaine immediately jerked his head up from its place on Kurt’s shoulder. “What?” Blaine starred at Kurt in shock, hoping that the dimly lit vehicle hid the lust in his eyes. “You really want to.”

“Yeah. It’s time for something different. You have to change things up every now and again, you know,” Kurt smiled, his cerulean eyes alight with wonderment. “Something new to liven things up a little bit.”

“Yeah? You’re serious?” Blaine felt himself harden in his boxers even though he had been thoroughly sated by Kurt’s gorgeous lips only moments before. 

“Of course, I’m serious, Blaine. Would you be up for it? Blaine was totally up for it right now, aside from the fact they were in His car and they were kinda messy. “Now?”

Kurt chuckled. “Not at this precise moment, but soon. I don’t think I have everything on hand. And I’d have to prepare some things first.”

Prepare? Was Kurt referring to manscaping? That was hot! Blane was rock hard now and his pupils were blown as he imagined Kurt sliding his tongue over his pink pucker. He had imagined it so many times but he had been too timid to ask. Was Kurt trying to get him ready for round two, because it was totally working? “Of course. When?”

Kurt chuckled again. “I don’t know. In a couple of days. When we have plenty of time. I don’t want to get interrupted. “You know how it gets this time of year at the shop.”

“The shop?” Did Kurt want to mess around in his father’s garage? Granted it wouldn’t be the first time or even the tenth. But this was different. This wasn't just a quick handjob or blowjob in the office or in the back seat of his Prius. 

“Yeah, the shop. It’s probably the best place to do it. We could do it this Sunday. The garage will be empty. Dad and Carole are going to DC this weekend so he won’t pop in. I’m not sure he’d approve.”

Thoughts of Burt walking in on them in the garage while Kurt had his tongue in his ass was enough to bring him back to reality. “No, I don’t think he would either. God, Kurt. Can we please not talk about your dad right now.”

“Are you turned on? You are insatiable. How could you be ready again?” Kurt questioned as he lightly kissed Blaine’s neck in that place that always drove him wild, nipping lightly with his teeth.

“Of course I’m turned on. How could I not be, with what you are suggesting? God, Kurt. I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I didn’t think you’d ever be up for doing it,” Blaine replied, throwing his head back as Kurt continued to nip and lick that spot. 

“Gotta spice things up sometimes,” Kurt replied as he pushed Blaine flat against the seat and straddled his boyfriend’s lap. “But if I knew talking about this would get you so excited, I would have suggested it months ago.”

Blaine captured Kurt’s lips in a searing kiss. “Oh, God. I need you, Kurt. I’m so close.” Blaine moaned, as he felt the heat from his boyfriend’s hard dick rubbing against his own. This was going to be over surprisingly fast. “Kurt!” he screamed as he felt his boyfriend climax, his own orgasm rushing upon him. “God, I love you. I love you so much, he sighed as Kurt collapsed beside him, sticky with sweat and cum. He kissed Kurt softly.

“I love you too. I can’t wait for Sunday.”

“Me neither.”  
______________________________________________________________________ 

The week dragged on, each day painstakingly mundane until midnight when Blaine was alone in his room imagining what was to unfold between them on Sunday. He had to change his sheets three times already. He had wanted this for so long, dreamt of it, but believing it to be something Kurt would never want to try, he had kept that particular fantasy to himself. Now that it was going to happen, the anticipation was too much. He palmed himself as he imagined Kurt’s perfect, wet tongue on his most intimate place. He jerked himself until he came with Kurt’s name on his lips. 

He cleaned up quickly, dropping the tissues when his cellphone vibrated. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.”

Blaine replied quickly. “Me neither. But what are you doing up? It’s after midnight?”

“I’m too excited to sleep.” Came the reply from Kurt.

“I can’t believe you are so excited. And here I was thinking you’d change your mind.”

“There’s no way I’d change my mind. What time do you want to come over?”

“If I wouldn’t get grounded, I’d come over right now.”Blaine typed.

“LOL. I’ll text you tomorrow when Finn Leaves. He’s supposed to go over to Rachel’s to practice for their duet in glee next week. We should have plenty of time.”

Blaine could feel himself start to harden again. “Is there anything you need me to do beforehand?”

“Nope. I have everything we need. Wear something you don’t mind getting dirty. It might get messy.”

Oh God. Baby penguin, my ass, Blaine thought. “K. Goodnight, love.” Blaine typed out quickly.

“Good night.” 

Blaine practically dropped his Iphone on the nightstand as he roughly jerked himself with his left hand. Tomorrow was going to be awesome. 

______________________________________________________________________

“God, Blaine. How the hell did you get here so fast? I just texted you fifteen minutes ago.” Kurt said when Blaine practically sprinted through the doorway and gave him a firm kiss on the lips. 

Blaine handed Kurt a coffee cup. “I was at the Lima Bean waiting for you to text. I couldn’t help it. I was too excited.”

“I don’t have everything ready yet. I checked the package earlier this week to make sure that I got the right ones, but I need to get everything else ready.”

Blaine scratched his head. The right ones? Did Kurt get a toy? Or maybe he meant oral barriers. Kurt was adamant about safety. Or maybe he meant new seat covers so things didn’t get too messy. “It’s fine. Can I help with anything?”

“Yeah. I need you to pull the car into the garage. You don’t want to do this in the parking lot, do you?”

Blaine blushed profusely. “Um, no. Of course not. Sorry. Where do you want me to park?” He felt like an idiot. Of course, they’d need somewhere to do it. Burt removed the couch when he walked in on them making out on it. No, Blaine. No thinking of Kurt’s dad. Not now. 

“Over there, so we have plenty of room. No reason for us to be uncomfortable.”

Blaine quickly pulled the Prius into the garage. “Do you want me to leave the keys in the ignition? So we can listen to music. You know, to set the mood?

“Yeah, I guess. What were you thinking? Greased Lightning?” Kurt laughed.

Blaine laughed. “No. Too many references to girl parts. How about Katy?”

“Fine. Just no peacock,” Kurt chuckled. “You look great, but you may want to get a pair of coveralls. I told you this could get messy.”

Did Kurt want to roleplay? God, this was hot! “Um, I don’t think the guys would like it if I wore their coveralls.

“Wear mine. I have an extra pair,” Kurt said casually. “No worries, You’ll look amazing in them, I’m sure. But it might get too hot too keep them on for too long.”

Kinky little minx, Blaine thought as he took a sip of his medium drip. “Ok. I’ll go slip these on.”

When Blaine got back, Kurt was bent down next to the Prius, his back to Blaine. 

Blaine snaked up behind him and kissed his neck. “So, where do you want me? On the back seat, the hood?”

“Um, I really need you here beside me to help with getting these nuts off.”

Good thing Blaine was done with his coffee because he would’ve spit it out. Kurt never said anything in such a crude way. It was amazingly hot. Blaine dropped to his knees so that he was eye to eye with Kurt and caressed his cheek before capturing his mouth in a searing kiss.

Kurt finally pulled back. “What was that for?”

“It’s nothing compared to what we’re about to do?” Blaine blurted. 

“Um, I guess,” Kurt shrugged. “So do you want to see them first?”

“See what?” Blaine asked.

“The rims, Blaine. The silver-plated rims I chose for your Prius.”

“For the Prius?”

Kurt looked confused. “Yeah. You did know we were going to put them on your car and not the Nav, right?”

“Oh, um. Right,” Blaine was mortified. “Of course. I just, uh, thought you were referring to something else.”

“Did you prefer crome? I thought you’d like silver? Or even black. Honey, you look disappointed.”

“No, it’s fine. Silver is fine. It’s just, I misunderstood. I thought you were talkng about sex.”

“Blaine, I told you we were putting on rims.” Kurt’s cheeks were blazing red. 

“No,” Blaine said, shaking his head. “You said, word for word, I'd like to give you a rim job.”

“Yeah, same thing.”

“No, not the same thing, Kurt. Do you know what a rim job is?”

Kurt shook his head. 

Blaine grabbed his cell phone and quickly looked up the definition and handed his phone to Kurt. Kurt almost dropped the phone in shock. “You thought we were going to do, that? Kurt looked like deer caught in headlights. “Here?”

“Yeah, kinda. Although it sounded a little strange. But you said you wanted to spice things up.”

Kurt could hear the disappointment in Blaine’s voice. “So, that’s something you’d want, from me? My tongue, there?”

“Or my tongue on yours. Only if you wanted to,” Blaine stammered. “I’ve thought about it. Especially this week.”

“Oh. ” Kurt asked, his pupils blown wide. “OH! You’d want to do that to me?”

“God Yes, Kurt! I mean, have you seen your ass? I’ve wanted to taste it, taste you, for so long. But only if you want me too. You’ know I’d never do anything to you that you didn’t want. Which is why I never brought it up before.”

Kurt was completely silent for a moment as Blaine looked at the floor, the wall, anything but Kurt. “I think I’d like to try it,” Kurt said shyly, his eyes staring directly at Blaine. 

Blaine raised his head so that their eyes met again. “Yeah?” Blaine felt his dick harden in his pants. 

Kurt kissed Blaine hard and dirty, his tongue plunging into Blaine’s mouth. He finally pulled back. “Yeah. But first,-”

Blaine’s pupils were blown and his dick was jabbing into Kurt’s thigh. “Yeah?”

“Help me put on these damn rims.”

_______________________________________________________________________


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt realizes that rimming is going to take supplies. supplies that he doesn't have just lying around. so he decides to go to a sex shop. With someone who knows about this stuff.

**Chapter 2**

Sex in the garage happened shortly after they finished putting on the rims. Actually, it was surprising that they finished putting them on. It was incredibly hot, but it didn’t include what Blaine had initially thought it would, and that was ok. As they lay post-coital in the back seat of Blaine’s Prius, Kurt gently kissed Blaine’s forehead.

“So,” Kurt bit his bottom lip tentatively. “Are you disappointed?”

“In what? The rims?”

“In me. In what we just did?”

Blaine just stared at Kurt in disbelief. “What? No. Kurt, you just bent me over my car and dominated me. I’ve never cum so hard in my life. I could never be disappointed in our sex life. You’re amazing. What we do is amazing,” Blaine said, kissing Kurt’s lips tenderly.

“But we didn’t do the rimming thing. Wasn’t that your fantasy?” Kurt dropped his gaze down so that he couldn’t see the disappointment in Blaine’s eyes.

“You’re my fantasy, Kurt. Anything we do together, intimately, is what I dream of. Do I still want to try it one day? Hell yes. But there isn’t much I wouldn’t try if you asked me to. But we have the rest of our lives for that. Besides, prep and cleanliness are essential, and right now we are filthy,” Blaine chuckled, sliding a finger through the sticky mess on his abdomen.

“Then, I want to try it. Some day. In the near future. When we have time. Definitely not in the garage,” Kurt giggled a little as Blaine’s fingers moved to his stomach, his fingers dancing in the mess they’d created there. “When did you say your parents were going on that weekend trip?

Blaine swallowed his breath. “Next weekend. “But Kurt, there’s no rush. No pressure.”

“Boo, I thought pressure might feel kinda good,” Kurt said mischievously. 

The next thing he knew, he was flipped onto his back, his boyfriend sitting in between his legs, coating lube onto his fingers. “Good, because you’re about to feel some,” Blaine said, sliding a finger into Kurt’s slick heat.

* * *

Blaine had been insatiable that week. It was only Wednesday, and Kurt was exhausted. He took a sip of strong coffee as he scrolled through the article that he had been too timid to read earlier in the week. 

He felt his cheeks grow dark red as he read tip two. Douching? Yes, he knew it was imperative that he be clean before they attempted this, but THAT seemed a little excessive. Then again, Blaine was going to put his tongue there, so maybe it really wasn’t that extreme. 

Speaking of extreme, tip number fourteen was going to be a little awkward. Shaving, and the article suggested getting your partner to do it for you. How was he going to bring that up in conversation? “Hey baby. I need you to shave my butthole so you don’t end up flossing while you’re down there.” Kurt’s cheeks flamed red, and this was only an imaginary conversation. 

He could wax. Actually, the article recommended it. He had waxed before. He had done his eyebrows and even manscaped his balls, but he’d never ventured that far back. That was something they’d have to talk about because if he was going to do this, he didn’t want to embarrass himself. And he’d have to order the wax because he was out. 

He moved to the tip about lube. It suggested water-based, natural lubes. It had suggested flavored lube as well. They had tried flavored lube before, but Kurt didn’t particularly like that raspberry flavor. And he wasn’t sure that it was all-natural. 

Then, there was the issue of protection. There were quite a few risks. Anal play, in general, had its risks, but the risks involved here were greater. He and Blaine had only been with each other, so the risk of STD wasn’t really an issue, but there were other things, like infections and bacteria. They could use tongue condoms, but where the hell would he find things like that. 

He needed a lot of supplies. He could order the products online, but then he thought about what might happen if someone else opened the package. What if Finn or his dad opened it? Or Carole? God no. There was no way he was getting that stuff shipped to his house. 

Kurt sighed. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to go to a sex shop. Kurt typed in location of sex shops and found more than one nearby, although he wasn’t sure that he wanted to go to a local one. For all he knew, he’d walk in and the person behind the counter could be a customer at his dad’s shop. Nope. No good. He couldn’t go to one in Westerville either. He’d be mortified if he ran into a Warbler or something while he was there. They probably would know Blaine. Or worse. They could know Blaine’s parents. Nope. 

He soon found himself overwhelmed by the search results. He needed advice. He’d hate to drive an hour out of the way just to be unable to find what he was needing. But who should he ask? Puck might know a place, but he wasn’t discreet in the least. And there was no way in hell he’d ask Finn. He’d blab to Rachel or worse, to his dad or Carole. He could ask Sam, the former stripper, but he was also living with him right now, and he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. Mike was nice enough, but they weren’t close enough to go to a sex shop, and Mercedes would be mortified. There was only one person to ask.

* * *

“Damn, Ladylips! I didn’t know you had it in you! But you know that you can get lube in a drug store, right? Of course you did. So, this isn’t about lube. You want some kinky shit, right?”

“God, Santana. What I buy here is none of your business. I told you I’d pay for gas and your lunch, but you have to uphold your end of the bargain. This never leaves the Navigator or I will enact my revenge on you until one of us dies. And you know I’ll do it.”

“Yeah, Rachel told us about how you replaced Finn’s axe body spray with spray adhesive. The whole Glee club thanks you for gluing his armpits shuts. I could actually breathe in the auditorium for half an hour without gagging. But anyway, you know I wouldn’t say anything.

Kurt raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “I do?”

“Look, I know I can be a bitch, but us gays gotta look out for each other. I appreciate the way you and Blaine stood up for me when I got outed, and I know that you too tried to help Britt pass her Lit class. Besides, Britt’s birthday is coming up, and I’d like to get her a dil-”

Kurt held up his hand. “Stop! I don’t want to hear it or I will replace your protein supplement with a laxative.”

“Fine. But you’ve got one hour. After that, I reserve the right to take photos and post them on your Facebook wall. Using your anniversary as your password is way too damn predictable.” Kurt shot her his bitch glare and walked through the entryway. “Wait, do you have an ID? This place is 18+ only. 

Kurt pulled his fake id out of his wallet. The one that he had made and not the pathetic one Sebastian had made for him.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Somebody’s either been hitting gay clubs or he’s been to one of these places before.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. If only she knew the exact reason that he was here. She tried to get it out of him on the way here, but he just said something about all natural lube and then turned up the radio and threatened to sing show tunes the whole way if she didn’t drop it. 

Surprisingly, the store was as good as Santana promised, and he left with a Persian waxing kit, a water-based lube sampler with 3 flavors, and tongue condoms. He also purchased a home enema kit from CVS when they stopped in there, using moisturizer as an excuse to stop. They made it halfway home when he had to stop for fuel. Santana remained in the car, distracted by what was in her bag. Then, he realized it wasn’t her bag.

“Santana, what the hell?”

“So, what do we have here? Brazilian wax? Tongue condoms? Flavored lube? An ass-irrigation system? Someone’s gonna eat ass!” Santana practically squealed. “Oh my God! I can’t wait to try out my new name for Blaine, assmunch.”

“Why don’t you say that a little louder. I don’t believe the attendant in the back heard you. And if you even think of calling Blaine that, I’ll make sure that everyone finds out about the time that I helped you get that stain out of your uniform. You know, that brown one right on the back of-”

“Ok, ok. Fine. I’ll come up with something else. Get it? Come up? Oh, come on and get the stick out of your ass so Plasterhead can stick his tongue up it,” Santana cackled, throwing the bag back to him. 

“God, why did I ask you?” Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes. 

“Because you knew I could actually answer your questions. So go ahead. Ask me. Is it awesome? Yes. Is it as awkward as hell? Yes. If it’s not with someone special.”

Kurt sighed and looked straight out the window. “Have you ever, um, tasted something gross?”

“Yeah, but I gave Puck a blowjob and that was worse than anything else I’d ever tried. I don’t know how Quinn stands it. The sweat. The hair? The gas. Disgusting! Much worse than anything else I encountered. I upchucked for a week afterward. Sue was happy. I was down two pounds that week.”

“What about flatulence? I guess I’m worried that I’m gonna-”

“Fart in his mouth? Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. It’s awkward. But that’s what the tongue condoms are for. I used them before. I don’t anymore because it just feels better. I guess the important thing is just to talk about it, up front. Beforehand. Talk about what you do and don’t want. Don’t eat anything that causes gas, I mean besides his ass,” she grinned. “And no teeth. That shit,” Santana looked away, actually appearing embarrassed for a moment. “I mean, that stuff hurts. But Kurt,” Santana grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Ha, butt! Anyway. There’s nothing like it. To make someone fall apart that way, to be so intimate. It’s amazing.”

“Thanks, Santa,” Kurt smiled. “I knew you were the right person to take with me today.”

Santana just nodded. “Just one question. Was this your idea? Or his. Because if it was yours, I win a bet I had going with Puck.”

“What? You told Puck?” Kurt’s head whipped around and he even swerved a little over the white line on the highway. 

“No. I didn’t tell him. But we have talked about it after seeing you and Shortstack limp into glee after prom. He bet that you two were vanilla, spooning and all that shit, but I surmised that you, with all your sass and need to be in control, said you were probably one kinky S. O B. Was I right?”

“It was Blaine’s suggestion. It’s actually a funny story, but it’s kind of embarrassing.”

Santana cackled. “Em bare assed. I get it. But seriously, Kurt. I just saw your bag with an enema kit in it. I had it in my hands. And I told you that Britt farted in my mouth. How much more embarrassing can this conversation get?”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes: So, I hoped you liked this update. Lots of you asked for me to continue this, and I thought, how could I have more fun with this. Enter Santana. Thoughts? I hope to update Zoom Mates this week too, but we shall see. Stay well, everybody. 


	3. Rim Job- Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine prepare for their wild weekend with a jar of wax. Yep, they've decided to give one another a Brazilian wax. If you were looking for fluffy, serious sweetness, this is not it. Crack fic. Get it? Just read the chapter.

**Chapter 3**

He and Kurt had made a plan to meet up at his house and spend the whole weekend together. Burt had agreed reluctantly, but he knew that their time living close together was limited so he told Kurt he could go as long as he promised to be safe and respectable. It was the respectable part that Blaine was pretty sure that they were going to ignore. 

They left glee practice around the same time, but Blaine arrived at his house first, so he decided to get everything ready. Although Kurt had become much more comfortable and confident with sex, Blaine knew he’d have to take the lead after seeing Kurt’s embarrassment regarding the subject. 

He was perfectly fine with just making this experience about Kurt. He found he was excited about being on the giving end. In fact, he had read countless articles about it in order to prepare. He even made a stop at the local sex shop to get a few supplies that might make the experience more enjoyable, although it was pretty awkward. He ran into Sebastian while holding a box of dental dams, and of course, Sebastian made a crass remark about showing him how to use them properly. He ended up going to the checkout counter without them, although he did remember a tip about splitting a condom and cutting off the tip to make one or he could even use Saran Wrap, whatever made it more comfortable for Kurt.

He found himself bouncing on his toes as he listened to Kurt’s navigator pull into his driveway. This weekend was going to be so amazing, just the two of them, alone and able to do anything they wanted with each other, or to each other. Blaine felt himself harden in his pants just at the thought of it. “Damn it. Not yet,” he sighed as he shifted his thoughts to think of something, anything, to make his issue go away. Rachel Berry kissing him. Brittany’s and Santana’s sex tape. Jacob Ben Israel in a speedo. No Blaine. You want it to go down not scar himself to the point of trauma. Sebastian buying sex toys. That did it. Blaine shook his head and sighed as he opened the door so he could help Kurt with his overnight bag. 

Kurt smiled as he opened the passenger door and grabbed his bag. “Hey.”

“No, no. I was going to grab that for you.”

“You can get the ones in the back,” Kurt shrugged.

“You have more than one? You’re only staying for the weekend, Kurt.”

“Don’t judge me. I happen to know that when we went to Chicago, you had a bag just for your hair care products. That’s what’s in this one.” Kurt said, holding up the overnight bag. “Well, and my facial cleansers. And I needed clothes. That’s what the suitcase is for.”

“And the little one? Do you have shoes in there? You know, we’re probably going to stay inside most of the time, unless you want to swim in the pool,”

“Um, it’s supplies, for, you know, the thing we wanted to try. I’ve been doing some reading on it, and there are some risks involved. So I got us some things that might help make the experience better.”

Blaine’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “You got supplies? Where?” He reached for the small overnight bag but Kurt grabbed it before he could. Blaine reached for it again. 

Kurt bit his lip nervously as he held the bag close to his chest. “At a supply store.”

“You went to a sex shop? You-” Blaine grabbed Kurt’s face and kissed Kurt’s lips passionately. He reached for the bag again and Kurt maneuvered the bag behind his back as Blaine slid his hands from Kurt’s shoulders down his back to his ass, squeezing firmly. 

“Blaine, we’re outside,” Kurt said, looking around nervously, his cheeks blushing bright red. “Someone might see.”

“Then, let’s go inside,” Blaine whispered into Kurt’s ear and then dropped a few kisses to his neck. Kurt turned to the door, the bag dropping to the driveway. Blaine reached for it, but Kurt hurriedly snatched it up from the ground. “Uh uh. This is for later. Show me to my room, Mr. Anderson.”

“Not yet,” Blaine whispered seductively as he pressed Kurt against the door and kissed him passionately, his tongue sliding in between Kurt’s lips. Their tongues danced as Blaine’s hands slid down to Kurt’s ass, and he gave it a firm squeeze. “I can’t wait to take care of you,” he said as he started kissing Kurt’s jaw and made his way to Kurt’s adam’s apple before he realized that Kurt had stopped making noises and had tensed a little in his back. “What’s wrong?”

“Well. I thought since I was staying the whole weekend, we would use tonight for other things. To plan and to talk about what we want. Plus, we need a lot of prep to do this or it could end up being embarrassing or gross, and I don’t want that. I don’t think either of us does. So I have a plan.”

Blaine nodded. “Ok, so what does this plan entail?”

“Well, first, it entails you taking me to my room so I can unpack. Some of the things I brought were for our _exploratory escapades_ tomorrow, so we need to talk about them and I planned for us to use a product tonight.

Blaine’s pupils seemed to grow dark immediately. “Then, by all means, let’s go unpack.”

* * *

“So when you said we’d use something in the bag tonight, this was not what I had in mind,” Blaine frowned as he held the wax in his hand. “Have you ever used this before?”

“I’ve waxed my eyebrows before, and I manscaped, but I’ve never used this type before. Santana has. She said it wasn’t that bad.”

“Wait, Santana knows about this?” Blaine’s mouth dropped open in shock. 

“Well, I needed to find a place that had what we needed, and I knew Santana would know just the place. Besides, I had a lot of questions and she was the only person I knew that would know about it and not freak out.”

“Oh God. She’s going to give us so much hell over all of this. You know that she’s not going to be able to keep from blabbing about this,” Blaine grumbled.

“She won’t if she knows what’s good for her. I have dirt on her too. We had a pretty intense talk on the way home, and she spilled some things I don’t think she’d want me just telling anyone. Besides, she’s not as bitchy as everyone thinks she is if you’re her ally.”

“And we are?” 

“We are, I think.” Kurt smiled, grabbing the wax. “Now, do you want to do me first or do you want me to do you?”

“That’s a loaded question if I’ve ever heard one,” Blaine chuckled. “The article I read said you could just shave the area.”

“And the article I read said that’s a bad idea because it itches when the hair grows back and there’s a chance to get cuts and nicks in really delicate areas. Besides, it says there’s more of a chance that you could develop ingrown hairs and that’s supposed to hurt like a bitch.” Kurt looked up at Blaine to notice that his boyfriend was staring at him. “What?”

“It’s just, you really researched this like you’re actually into it.”

Kurt took Blaine’s hand in his. “I’m into you, and this is your fantasy. You’ve fulfilled mine more than once, especially the time you set up your Ipod in that field and brought in all those lilacs.”

“You said that was overkill.”

“You brought squirt bottles to spray the flowers so it was like a dewy meadow and talked like Jacob from Twilight the whole time. I almost expected a sparkly vampire to appear,” Kurt giggled. “But it was amazing. And it was all my fantasy. It’s my turn to fulfill one for you, and I intend to make it as special for you as you did for me.”

“So is that the reason we’re the waxing tonight?”

“Exactly. Santana said that waxing can be a little painful, especially in sensitive places, and the ass is probably the most sensitive place you could do. One of the articles I read said that the area might be red and sore afterward, and I don’t think we’ll be up for anything sexual after we do that.” Kurt laid out several clean towels on the counter and plugged in the trimmer. 

Blaine starred at Kurt again in wonderment. “Do we really have to do this? I’ve seen you naked. You aren’t really that hairy. Besides, if we’re using protection, we shouldn’t even come in contact with it.”

“Blaine, it’s a lot more sanitary to remove the hair. Hair traps things there you don’t want to be there, like toilet paper or even fecal matter.”

Blaine winced. “Well, when you say it like that, I guess it’s a necessary evil. But I just have a feeling that I’m going to be like Steve Carell in the forty-year-old virgin, yelling obscenities at you and not being able to finish. I’ll look and feel like an-”

“An ass?” Kurt teased.

Blaine laughed. “Yeah. And I don’t want that either.” He sighed. “You know what. Let’s just ease into this. We have so many other things we haven’t tried yet, and I’m ok with what we already do. I don’t want to spend all this time prepping for this and it ends up being awful.”

Kurt smiled softly. “We’ll do whatever you are comfortable with doing today. But at least hear my plan. First, wash each other and exfoliate the skin. You’ve been doing that, right?”

“Uh, I’m your boyfriend. I know how important you rate exfoliation and skincare,” Blaine laughed. “My parents are grateful that I have my own bathroom.”

“Ok, that will make it easier.” Kurt began removing other items from the duffel bag. Two new loofahs, a trimmer, exfoliating cream, oils, baby powder, gloves, and lots of popsicle sticks.”

“There’s a lot of stuff here, Kurt. Where do we start?”

“The articles I read say to make sure that everything is clean. So, we’ll shower first. Then, we need to trim. The instruction guide says that too much hair can be really painful and too little can cause you to remove the skin. I’ve made that mistake once. It hurts like hell. Do you want to shower first, or do you want me to?”

“Why don’t we shower together? We can make sure we are good and exfoliated,” Blaine said with a grin. “Besides, we can have a little fun, just in case the waxing has us so sore that we don’t get to anything else.”

“I like the way you think,” Kurt said with a wink. “But it’ll be fine. Lot’s of men manscape now. How bad could it be?”

* * *

“Ok, I’m pretty sure the wax has set,” Kurt smiled as he stirred the wax with a stick. Grab the baby powder and then turn over on the towel. 

Blaine removed the towel around his waist and laid down flat on the clean towel Kurt had laid down in the bathtub. “Like that, Mr. Hummel?” Blaine asked, wiggling his ass at Kurt.

“Getting cheeky, Blaine?” Kurt teased. “You need to stay still. I’m going to trim the area first, and there’s a lot of it.”

“Are you trying to say I’m overly hairy?” Blaine chuckled.

“Oohhh, sharp, Blaine. That’s exactly what I’m saying. The article said the longer the hair, the more it hurts. I got a really good trimmer though. It’s supposed to be the best.”

“Alright, I trust you. Just be careful.” Kurt turned on the trimmer and started at the top of Blaine’s cheeks. Blaine winced. 

“Stay still, Blaine. I don’t want to cut you.”

Blaine pouted. “Sorry. It tickles. And why did you start there?”

“The article suggested starting there first if you’ve never waxed before. It said it would be a good way to test if you can handle the pain.”

“Kurt, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I told you about fight club. I’ve never lost a match.”

“Yeah, but you’ve probably never had anyone rip the hair straight from your ass either. It’s gonna smart a little," Kurt said as he wiped the cut hairs away. “There. I think that’s good enough. I’m going to apply the powder now.” Kurt began shaking the baby powder on Blaine’s butt. He slapped it playfully when Blaine raised his butt up a little in the air. 

“Oh yes, spank me.”

Kurt blushed. “Blaine, you might want to stay still. I’m about to apply the wax. I have to apply it a certain way.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t hot?”

“It’s not, but it needs to be applied in small increments, and I have to make sure that I go in the right direction. I need to go in the same direction as the hair so that when I pull it, it goes against the grain.”

“You mean, you’re going to do it small patches? You might as well tweeze them if you’re going to do that. You can do a whole cheek. I can take it. And if it hurts, you can kiss it better,” Blaine suggested cheekily.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. It’s ok. Slather it on there. Get it all off at once. I don’t want you to have to go back over the same area multiple times. I’m ready. Just do it,”

Blaine tensed his body as he felt Kurt grab the lip at the end of the strip of wax. “Are you ready? I can do it gently. I have the oils right here. Tell me if it hurts too bad or-”

“For the love of Vogue, just do it alrea- HOLY SHIT ON A CRACKER! Geez, Kurt, how much hair did you get?”

“You told me to cover the whole cheek. Are you ok? And what the hell is holy shit on a cracker?” Kurt laughed.

“That hurt like hell, Kurt. Are you sure you applied it correctly?”

“I did it exactly as the package instructed. I told you it’s a sensitive area. That’s the reason I was going to do small patches.”

“I don’t know if I can take that again. I think I’d rather you use a cactus as a dildo on me than to do that again.”

“Was it really that bad?”

“Bend over. I’ll do yours next.”

“Do you really want me to stop or do you want me to try a smaller patch?” Kurt asked sincerely. “Do you want me to go ahead and apply the oil? It’s really red.

“At this point, I’d like some morphine and a tub full of ice.”

Kurt gently applied baby oil to Blaine’s sore, red cheek. “Is that any better?”

“I don’t know. Rub it a little more.” Blaine teased. Kurt could feel his muscles get tight as he applied a small strip of wax on the other cheek. “Alright. Do it quick. All at onc- MOTHER FLICKER!”

“What was that?” Kurt bit his lip in an attempt to stifle a laugh. Mother what?”

“You know there’s certain words I try not to say. Shut up.” Blaine pouted, biting his lip

“Is it really that bad?” Kurt massaged baby oil to the spot where he just removed the strip.

“I think I'd rather get my arm caught in a revolving door. How the hell do girls do this all the time?”

“They get used to it. Do you want me to continue? I haven’t even got near your hole yet.”

Blaine jerked his head around. “I’m sorry but if it hurts this bad on my cheeks, there’s no way I’m letting you actually put wax there. I’m sorry. It’s like I said earlier. If we’re using protection, the hair shouldn’t be that much of an issue anyway.”

“So what do you want me to do?” Kurt asked gently.

“I don’t want my ass to look like Steve Carell’s chest.”

“Noone’s going to see it but me, and it’s ok. You don’t have to let me finish.” Kurt answered.

“Finish it,” Blaine sighed. “It’ll be ok. Just know that you’re next.”

* * *

After an hour break so they could eat and Blaine could sit without too much discomfort, Kurt laid on a clean towel in the bathtub with Blaine bent over his bare ass. He trimmed the hair first and then applied the baby powder to Kurt’s soft, pale cheeks. “God, your ass is so sexy. You know, if you hadn’t suggested the waxing, I probably wouldn’t have said anything. You don’t have that much.”

“Well, then. I guess you don’t have to-”

“Nope. It’s too late now. You waxed my ass, I'm waxing yours.” Blaine slapped the stick down, slathering a small strip of sticky wax on Kurt’s right cheek. “Brace yourself, dear.” Blaine pulled the lip of the strip firmly. 

Kurt bucked his ass and hissed, but he flattened back down.”

“Ok, you can do a bigger strip. It’s ok. I’ve waxed before.”

“Wow, you sure?” Blaine questioned.

“Yeah, just do it. It’s not that bad,” he said as Blaine slathered a much larger amount a little further down, closer to his crack. 

“You sure?” 

“I’m sur- HOLY HELLFIRE AND SLAP YOUR MAMA!”

Blaine cackled. “What was that?”

“You shut up. I didn’t get that area on you all at once. Holy shit!” 

“I told you it hurt,” Blaine said as he rubbed oil on the redness on Kurt's ass. “Are you ok? Do you need some ice?”

“Screw the ice. Just give me the entire tub of icecream I saw in your freezer.”

Blaine chuckled. “It’s ice cream, not asscream. And I’m not explaining to my mother where it went. I did grab another pack of frozen peas. You threw the other ones away, right?”

“No, Blaine. I put them in the crockpot with a pot roast. Of course, I threw them away. I’m not eating those after they’ve been on your ass.”

“You do know that you’re going to be licking that same ass tomorrow, right?”

“Not if you continue to be such a smartas- NUCKIN FUTS! Warn a guy first. Dammit, Blaine.”

“Sorry. You need the peas?”

“Shut up and remove the hair from my- WELL MOTHER FU-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes: I might’ve had to do quite a bit of research for this chapter. I’ve never waxed before. I hope no one stumbles upon my search history, I’m now getting Facebook ads for Manscaping products and Brazilian wax coupons. No thanks. I foresee one or two more chapters of this, and I plan to publish another chapter of Zoom Mates this week as well. Please review. I love hearing from you all. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time for Blaine's fantasy to be fulfilled, but they end up getting interrupted.

**Chapter 4**

Heavenly! That’s the way Blaine could describe the current scene. Lounging out by the pool naked with his gorgeous boyfriend. The soreness had faded from the waxings they had endured, and now they were relaxing after they showered and thoroughly cleaned themselves. Blaine had to admit that the aftermath of the waxing was totally worth it if it meant that his boyfriend’s beautiful skin was even more smooth and sensitive than usual. 

He had been caressing him all morning. He allowed his mind to take him back to this morning when he was using a loofah to cleanse his boyfriend’s back, but the sponge was quickly abandoned when Kurt slid his hands down Blaine’s wet, soapy back and firmly squeezed his ass. Blaine immediately found Kurt’s lips with his own and then moved his own mouth down, down to Kurt’s luscious, fully erect dick, engulfing it while he looked at Kurt, his head falling back against the shower stall wall as he cried for Blaine to never stop what he was doing. He even dared to allow his tongue to venture, first to Kurt’s ball sac and then further, further in between his boyfriend’s legs as his fingers slid in between his cheeks, teasing playfully as Kurt cried out in orgasmic bliss. 

“Well, damn. I wanted to keep going,” Blaine boldly said with a wink.

“Thank you,” Kurt laughed playfully as he picked up the showerhead and sprayed the creamy mess from the shower walls. “But the articles I read said you need to wait a little while after you irrigate because liquid could seep out, and it’s supposed to be really unsexy. Besides, I like what you just did. A lot,” he said hoarsely like his voice was as wrecked as he was from what had just transpired. 

“I liked it too. You’re perfect. I love touching you,” Blaine said as he washed his face with his own loofah. 

“I love it too, but it’s kinda unfair,” Kurt pouted. “Because someone is cleaning himself now before I could make him dirty, like he just did to me,” Kurt pulled the loofa from Blaine’s hands and kissed him dirtily before dropping to his knees and returning the favor.

And now, they were both lying on the lounge chairs, hair relaxed and unstyled so they could both pull and tug it as they made out under the sun when the urge struck them. They had the whole weekend to explore and study one another and how to make each other fall apart. The worst part about it was that Kurt was irresistible like this, and yet, he insisted that they stick to their timetable. 

They actually made a plan that the poolside was the perfect place for their explorations, as the water was right there and the whole area was surrounded by a fence and landscape that blocked any nosy neighbors from seeing what they were getting up to. They had Katy Perry blasting from the sound system to drown out any noise from their neighbors or noise that they made. Kurt was a screamer, although Kurt assured him that when he climaxed, all the dogs joined in with the howl that he made. Blaine had argued that he was not that bad until Kurt recorded him and the resounding dogs in the background. Kurt- one. Blaine-zero. Although, he realized that he got a hell of an orgasm out of it so they both kinda won. 

Kurt sighed happily as Blaine sat down behind him on the chair and started rubbing his bare back with sunscreen. “You’re starting to pinken.”

“Yeah. It’s not fair. Some of us get a gorgeously tan and others turn into lobsters after being in the sun for two whole minutes. We might need to rethink this. I’d hate to get a sunburn on my ass,” Kurt chuckled.

“As would I. Although, I promise to kiss it all better. Besides, it couldn’t be as red as it was last night.”

Kurt sat up straight as Blaine massaged the cream into his upper back. “I should cut you off for that. Were you trying to torture me, or did you actually get joy from hearing me scream like that. Your neighbors probably thought I was rehearsing to replace Linda Blair in the Exorcist.”  
“I normally take pleasure in making you scream, especially when you demand me not to stop and those pretty eyes of yours roll up. I thought I’ve heard every expletive that existed after walking in on Jeff and Nick that time in our room, but you put them to shame. My baby has a dirty,” he kissed Kurt on the neck, “dirty-” he kissed him behind the ear and then whispered, “mouth.”

“Which is exactly how you like it, as this next foray into exploration will prove. I’d say it’s about to get A LOT dirtier,” Kurt teased, licking his lips as he swung around toward Blaine and pushed him back in the chair and straddled him, lowering his body on top of Blaine’s and kissing him messily as the music continued to play. 

“Don’t tease me, Kurt,” Blaine panted, as his hands tangled into Kurt’s already unruly hair as Kurt started grinding against him. 

“I don’t intend to tease at all,” Kurt purred, taking both of their lengths in his hand. 

“Oh hell yes,” Blaine cried out. This night was going to be perfect, just the two of them, no distractions, no limitations, no regrets. Just love and hot, hot sex. 

* * *

Cooper Anderson was excited. It had been months since he had been back to Ohio, but now, he was finally free, and he had some amazing news to share. He knew that Blaine was going to be home this weekend. His mom had told him earlier when they talked on the phone. He knew Kurt would most likely be there as well, since his mom told him that they had practically been joined at the hip all summer. 

Kurt seemed like a great guy, at least from what he saw when he had visited Blaine back in the spring. He had called him the most handsome man in America, and then he even listened to him and gave him advice when Blaine was angry at him. They had even skyped a few times, the three of them, because Cooper wasn’t able to travel now with his current gig. He had a new pilot that he had been cast for, and he needed advice. He was supposed to play a gay life guard, and he needed to do some research. The best way to do that was to talk to his two favorite gays and maybe even spend time in their pool, goofing around and practicing his life-saving skills. 

He let the door slam behind him as he dropped his bag on the living room floor (He could do that since his mom wasn’t home) and yelled out loud. “Blainey? Kurt? You guys around here somewhere?” He chuckled when he heard “Teenage Dream blaring from the pool house stereo system. “He still loves his Katy. He’ll crap his pants when he sees the autograph I got for him,” he said to no one as he grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured a glass of lemon berry tea. Kurt was definitely here. Blaine had told him that it was Kurt’s favorite beverage. Actually, he knew more about Kurt than he did his own brother because Blaine never stopped talking about him. He was quite jealous of Blaine, really. To be so young and already be so in love with someone. It was sweet. 

He sat his glass in the sink and slid the glass door open and closed it behind him. He rounded the corner and was halfway to the pool’s gate when he heard something. A scream.

Oh god! Was one of them hurt? Was it a pool emergency? He could practice his life-saving skills right now. He yanked his shirt over his head and dropped it to the ground as he dashed to the gate and quickly unlatched it, letting it slam closed behind him. His eyes darted around quickly as he searched the water to see if one of the boys was in danger when he froze in place. 

“Oh god, yes. Blaine! Yes! Just like that!” Kurt was lying on his stomach on a chaise lounge chair, his ass elevated up higher than the rest of his body and his brother was perched on his knees, which were resting on a lounge cushion and Blaine was on the ground behind him, although he really couldn’t see him because Kurt was blocking his view. A very naked Kurt, who hadn’t seemed to notice that he and Blaine were no longer alone. 

“Blaine, what the hell are you two doi-? Cooper froze in mid-sentence when Blaine’s head shot up right above Kurt’s ass. Something slipped off his tongue as he started to speak. 

“Coop, what the hell?” Blaine yelled as Kurt practically fell off the lounge chair and scrambled to get something, anything to cover his naked body with. He attempted to grab a cushion, which Blaine’s knee was still on, and jerked it harshly, causing Blaine to lose his balance and fall forward clumsily onto the lounge chair. 

Coop quickly threw a robe that had been sitting on a chair at his brother. “Apparently, I'm not doing anything half as exciting as you too. I’m not even going to ask about what I think I just saw.”

“You wouldn’t have saw anything if I knew you were coming. What are you doing in Ohio?” Blaine questioned as he straightened himself, his hand perched on his side as he did when he was thoroughly annoyed.

“Dress first, then yell at me!” Cooper demanded, alerting Blaine to the fact that he was in fact, standing there in front of his brother still stark naked. Kurt struggled to hold the cushion in place as he reached with his other hand for his robe that was lying on the other lounge chair. 

“Cooper, a little privacy please,” Kurt squealed as he attempted to put on the robe with one hand while he tried to conceal himself with the cushion. His attempt was unsuccessful as the cushion slipped from his hand as he fought to get his arm in the sleeve, flashing Cooper, who for some reason, was still standing there like a voyeur. 

“ **COOP, GEEZ! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE AND LET US GET DECENT!”**

“Uh, yeah. Sure thing, Squirt. Although Kurt seemed to think what you were doing felt more than decent, judging by his banshee screams,” Cooper replied cheekily as he turned around and exited the gate. “You two get dressed and come to the living room. We should chat.”

* * *

This was a nightmare. Cooper wasn’t supposed to be here this weekend. Noone was, except him and Kurt. They had major plans, which were now ruined. What was worse is that his brother thought that they should talk about what he just saw them doing. What was he planning? Blackmail? Blabbing to his parents? He wouldn’t put it past his brother. He sighed heavily as he tied the belt of his robe around his waist. “Kurt, you ok?” he called out to his boyfriend who had fled to the poolhouse. He cracked the door open and saw Kurt hunkered down on the couch, his knees up and his head resting on them. His body was shaking.

“Hell no, I’m not ok. Your brother just walked in on us when your tongue was in my ass,” he replied, his head hunched down between his knees. “I’m never coming out of here.”

“Hey, I said that same thing when I had my thirteenth birthday party here. It was a pool party, and I just came to terms that I was gay when I saw Gregory in his tight swim trunks. One of the other guys hollered out, “Hey Woody, where’s Buzz.” He pointed to my own swim trunks, which were embarrassingly tented. I ran in here and slammed the door behind me, refusing to come out. Cooper came in here and we sat on this very couch and just talked. I came out to him that day. I seriously thought that memory would be the worst one I’d ever have of this place. If only that were true,” Blaine blushed, dropping his head down and chuckling lightly.    
“Although, it could be worse.”

Kurt’s head shot up and he glared at his boyfriend. “How in the hell could this be worse?”

“At least it was Coop and not my mom or dad. Or worse. It could’ve been your dad.”

“Ok, that would’ve been worse,” Kurt admitted, his cheeks still blood red. “Do you think he’d tell anybody what he saw?”

“Cooper? Not on purpose. But will he probably blab it out in the most embarrassing place possible. Yep,” Blaine replied, sighing. He took Kurt’s hand in his own and stroked it lovingly. “Come on. Let’s go get this over with.”

* * *

“So, are either of you going to explain what you were doing?” Cooper grinned as he sat down across from his brother on the loveseat. 

“Actually, no. I don’t care to in the least,” Blaine replied. “How about you, babe.”

Kurt shook his head. “Nope. Not now, not ever.”

“What are you doing home?” Blaine asked as his back rested against the sofa, his knees falling apart. 

“Squirt, you’re in a robe and I can see your hose. Care to put it back in the truck there?” Cooper laughed as Blaine looked down in horror and realized that he flashed his brother for a second time in a matter of minutes. Kurt laughed and crossed his legs tightly to make sure that his boyfriend’s brother didn’t see more of him than he already had earlier. 

“What are you doing here?” Blaine questioned.

“I had good news and a break from my shooting schedule. I haven’t seen you in a while, and mom said you’d be home," Cooper explained.

“Did it occur to you that I may not be alone?”

“Actually, mom told me that Kurt would be here. That’s why I didn’t call. I wanted to surprise you both since Kurt is a fan of mine.”

“Well, you certainly accomplished that goal,” Kurt muttered. “I’ve never been more surprised in my life.”

“That goes for me too, you know. I’m not even going to ask what I interrupted,” Cooper replied.

“You already did. You didn’t get it out of me then, and you aren’t getting it out of me now.”

“Sounds like something Kurt said to you while he was on that lounge chair,” Cooper laughed, almost doubling over on the couch arm. 

Kurt’s cheeks flamed crimson as he buried his head into his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Used to be a fan. Now, I’m contemplating all the places in this huge house where I could hide your body,” he muttered under his breath.

“Hide my body? Seems that thought would be more fitting for the both of you, seeing that I saw you both naked just a few minutes ago.”

“Are you ever going to drop it?” Blaine sighed.

“Don’t need to. Kurt already did that back by the pool.” Cooper howled with laughter. 

“All the times that you tried to explain why your brother kinda got on your nerves. I get it now.” Kurt said to his boyfriend. 

“You said you had good news?” Blaine interrupted, trying to change the subject.

“I’m going to be on television! Like something bigger than a commercial this time,” Cooper gushed, his hands swinging wildly in excitement. “I got cast in a new pilot. It’s gonna be my first tv show!”

“That’s great!” Blaine jumped up and rushed over to his big brother and gave him a big hug. “What’s the show?’

“Squirt, the hose is swinging free again. God, go get dressed, and then I’ll tell you all about it.”

* * *

Both Kurt and Blaine retreated to Blaine’s room and got dressed in something that didn’t lead to a wardrobe malfunction and returned to the living room. “So tell me about this show,” Blaine coaxed, as he sat back down on the couch. 

“It’s called Guards. I play a lifeguard. That’s why I ran out to the pool. I heard a scream and I figured that one of you was in trouble. I figured I could get some real-life practice in, and you know, save my brother’s life and all, since I had to go through training and all. I never actually got to rescue an actual person, although that dummy was fairly lifelike. She had a nice rack.”

“Coop, so when do you start shooting?” Blaine asked.

“Next week, which is why I wanted to talk to you this weekend before filming began. I needed to ask you guys something, you know, for research purposes.”

“Research?” Kurt cocked his head sideways. “How is talking to us research?”

“Cause my character has to come out in the first episode. He’s gay and I thought it’d be great to talk to you guys because you both had to do that, even though Blaine says that you didn’t really have to because everybody already knew.”

Kurt glared at Blaine, who scooted away from his boyfriend a little. “You weren’t supposed to blurt that out either, Coop.” Blaine sighed. 

“I wasn’t supposed to see Kurt’s bare ass today either, but things happen,” Cooper chuckled. “Anyway, I need both of your help. My character, Kip, is like, really comfortable with his gayness around everybody except his parents. In fact, he’s so comfortable with his sexuality that he’s kinda like a ho and he’s getting buck wild with another guy in the very first episode. Obviously, I came to the right people to talk to,” Cooper laughed.

Kurt shook his head back and forth. “Oh my god.”

“Yep, Heard you say that earlier too,” Cooper teased. “So, the coming out part won’t be so bad. I remember when you came out to me, buddy, and I committed it to memory just in case I ever had to use it for a scene. But I have to do something else that I’ve never really done before,” Cooper dropped his eyes down so that he was staring at the floor. 

“Which is?”

“Ihavetorimhim,” Coop muttered.

“What? Kurt asked, glancing at Cooper and then his boyfriend in confusion.

“Rimming! I HAVE TO pretend to rim him!” Cooper practically yelled. “And I’m not really sure what that even is, although I think you two came pretty close to showing me how it was done earlier. 

Blaine bit his lip to try to stifle a laugh, but it came out as half laugh half snort. “Wait, is this porn?”

“It’s not. It’s all simulated. They said they won’t show much aside from his naked ass and some thrusting, but my junk will be covered,” Cooper explained. “Anyway, I figured that you two could help me, since you are obviously experts..”

“Actually, no. We really aren’t, since you interrupted us, and it was the only time we ever tried, and most likely, the last,” Kurt snarked.

“Wait, the last?” Blaine squeaked. “But you didn’t even get to do it to me y-” He stopped when he saw Kurt’s bitch glare as he gestured to Cooper, reminding him that his brother was still there.

“So wait, that was the first time? What was it like?” Cooper inquired.

“It was quite amazing UNTIL we were interrupted by you. Is that the reason you kept leering?” Kurt questioned.

Cooper nodded. 

“You know that straight couples do it too, right? You didn’t have to come to us.” Blaine blurted, and then sighed. 

“Well, I did. I asked a few buddies, but they all said they never tried it. But one of them said that the gays love that stuff, and it seems like they were right,” Cooper teased, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Well, at least it’s just simulated. Are you just giving, or are you on the receiving end too?” Kurt asked. Blaine slapped his shoulder, as if to ask why are you asking him this.

“Um, I think I’m just giving, for this episode anyway. Why?”

“Well, you’re kind of a hairy guy, but many gay guys, especially gay guys prefer the hairless look. Especially in that area,” Kurt said, grinning at Blaine slyly.

“Yeah, I noticed your ass was smooth. Blaine glared at Cooper as if to say, what the hell, man. “Don’t look at me like that. It was right in my line of sight, and his skin is so freakin pale, that I’d notice if it had hair or not. Are you just naturally that way? My own screen partner said his agent said he should schedule a waxing session for his chest and his ass. Do you think that I should get it done too?”

“Definitely! Blaine smiled wildly. “The fans would love it.”

“But doesn’t it hurt? I’ve dated a couple of chicks that say it hurts like hell. Cooper looked concerned.

“Nah. It wasn’t that bad,” Blaine said, almost biting his lip to stifle a laugh from escaping. “Was it Kurt?”

“Nope. Not that bad at all. Actually, you should bring a friend along to record it. To show how manly you are. Blaine could go, for support and all, at least for the chest part.”

“You’d do that buddy?” Cooper asked, perching his chin on his hand.

“Of course. No problem. What are brothers for?” Blaine grinned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes: There. You got a little smut from me. I’m sorry it got interrupted. This started out different and evolved into something else, but I hope you still enjoy it. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Happy fourth everyone. I’m thinking there will be one more chapter to this unless anyone else has a prompt or something they’d like me to incorporate or questions you want me to answer. 


	5. Payback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine and Kurt finally get their private moment. Unfortunately, it doesn't stay private. Payback is a bitch. Or actually Kurt can be one if you cross him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes: Hey everybody. I guess I disappeared for a while. Physically, I’m fine although I did have some major surgery recently. Mentally, last year was rough. But I made it, and I hope to make a comeback with my writing. I wanted to update this first because this is the final chapter unless something just pops up in my crazy mind later. I hope it was worth the wait. 
> 
> Warning: This is the most explicit thing I’ve ever written.

**______________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 5- Payback**

“Blaine, honey. Look at me, please. I promise that it’s fine,” Kurt pleaded at his boyfriend who was buried under a stack of blankets. “Please.”

A muffled voice came out from under a pile of blankets. “I can’t. I won’t ever be able to look you in the eye ever again,” Blaine groaned. “It’s mortifying.

“You can’t look me in the eye anyway, shortie.” Kurt teased, gently tugging at the blanket that was on top. “It’s ok. It happens. People fart.”

“But not in their boyfriend’s mouth.” Blaine sighed, letting his hand poke out of the blanket a little to swat at his boyfriend and immediately cover himself back up.”

“If you don’t come out of there, I won’t be able to finish what we were doing.”

Blaine popped out of the blankets sheepishly so that his boyfriend could see the shock on his face. “Wait, you want to continue? Even after I- did that?”

Kurt took his boyfriend’s hand in his. “Of course I do. It was an accident. It’s not something you’ll make a habit of. And it’s not like I’ve never farted during sex.”

“You have?” Blaine’s eyebrows arched in confusion. I never noticed.”

“That’s because you are very loud in bed. Although it’s happened more than once and I was sure you noticed.”

“If I did, it wasn’t what I was focused on. I focus on the noises coming out of your mouth and the expressions on your face.”

“Likewise. Actually, had you not jerked away from me and buried yourself under a mountain of blankets, I would’ve never brought it up,” Kurt explained.

“So you aren’t disgusted?” Blaine questioned, turning his head to look his boyfriend in the eye.

“No. Intimacy is messy. That’s why it’s meant to be private. Shared only between the two of us. I couldn’t be grossed out because it’s you. Remember that night that you got drunk at Rachel’s party.” Blaine blushed in embarrassment. “You threw up on my Doc Martens. That was gross, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to be with you.”

“I threw up on your shoes and you still wanted to date me?”

Kurt nodded. “Because you’re you. I love you, Blaine. All of you, even the messy, stinky, or awkward parts of you, if I didn’t make that obvious by what we’ve done this weekend. I wouldn’t just agree to wax my ass for anyone. And I definitely wouldn’t give just anyone a rim job. Only you.”

Blaine smiled. “So you didn’t hate it?”

“Are you kidding? I”ve never been so turned on in my life. I thought your dirty talk was erotic before, but damn, Blaine. Your mouth can get absolutely filthy, Mr. there are certain words I try not to say,” Kurt teased as he kissed Blaine’s cheek. “It was so sexy. I kinda came on your sheets. The ones you’re wrapped up in right now.”

Blaine stared at his boyfriend in disbelief. “Wait! You came? I didn’t even touch you,” 

“On contraire, the way you pulled my hair, scratched my back. It was the sexiest I’ve ever seen you, with your legs spread open for me, ass in the air, smooth and perfect. You’re gorgeous, Blaine, and I loved every moment of it,” Kurt explained, kissing Blaine square on the lips. “In fact, I think I’m ready to pick up where we left off. Bend back over so we can continue where we left off,” 

“Hell yes,” Blaine sputtered as practically yanked the rest of the blankets off and let them drop to the floor as Kurt pushed him back on the bed.

“Roll over, baby, so I can fulfill your fantasy.”

“Kurt,” Blaine took his boyfriend’s hand lovingly in his own. “Really, we don’t have to finish if you don’t wan-”

He was answered by Kurt flipping him over and pulling him to the edge of the bed, dropping to his knees on the floor. “Less talkin’ unless you’re telling me what you want me to do to you. Tell me, Blaine.” Kurt said, blowing hot breath over Blaine’s parted cheeks. “What do you want right now.”

“Your tongue, on my ass. Please,” Blaine begged.

“As you wish,” Kurt said, and then proceeded to lick at the pink asterisk that was so plainly on display in front of him. Kurt started with a kitten lick, tentative and slow. “Like this?”

“Kurt, you little tease, like before. Harder.”

Kurt ran his tongue in the crease of Blaine’s thigh. Right here?” he teased again. Kurt felt Blaine’s body shiver underneath him. 

“Tickles,” Blaine chuckled. “Kurt, please, don’t tease.”

“Then say it. Say what you want me to do to that gorgeous pink hole of yours.

“Lick it, baby,” Blaine whined. “Lick it like it’s mocha flavored ice cream. Run that gorgeous pink tongue all over it.”

“Right here,” Kurt questioned as his tongue ran slickly over Blaine’s puckered hole.

“God Yes, Kurt! Like that. Right there. Right there.” Blaine hollered, his head jerking back as Kurt licked at Blaine’s entrance, lapping it in long strokes first and then adjusting to short, flicking motions with his slick, wet tongue.”

“Yes, Kurt! Yes! Fuck me with your perfect tongue. Please!” Blaine panted, his voice cracking at the end. “So perfect.”

“God Blaine, yes! Kurt said as thrust his tongue inside Blaine’s hole, lathing it with his saliva as he jerked his own erection.

“So close,” Blaine moaned, his body spasming and thrashing against the mattress. “I’m gonna-”

Blaine didn’t even get to finish his sentence as stars shot in front of his eyes and the most intense orgasm he had ever had exploded in every nerve in his body. 

______________________________________________________________________

“Blaine! Blaine! Baby? Are you ok?”

Blaine opened his eyes to his boyfriend stroking his face. “Did I black out?”

Kurt nodded. “You scared me for a second there. I thought you might have had a seizure or something. You just got really quiet, but I didn’t worry quite as much when I saw the wall.”

“It hit the wall?” Blaine’s head jerked around so he could see where Kurt pointed.

Kurt nodded. “Yep. But I cleaned it up. You’ve been out for like five minutes. Was it really that good?”

“I didn’t get to finish with you yesterday, but yes, it really was. And now, I get to show you, after a few more minutes of recovery,” Blaine smiled as he rested his head on Kurt’s milky, white chest. “Would you like me to?”

Kurt nodded. “It actually felt pretty amazing for me too. Until Cooper barged in on us. Where is he, by the way? He hasn’t barged in on us once today.”

“Oh shit!” What time is it?”

At that exact moment, Kurt heard a buzzing. “Is that your phone?”

“Nightstand,” Blaine pointed. “I turned off the ringer so that we didn’t get interrupted. He’s called three times and sent seven texts. I hope he’s alright.”

“What’s wrong?” Kurt inquired, pulling on his underwear. “Is he ok?”

“He left a message,” Blaine said as he cleaned himself with the damp cloth that Kurt had set aside for them. “Oh God! He went for the wax without me.”

“Is he mad?”

“He sent a video message.”

Cooper popped up on the screen, waving wildly as he sat shirtless on a massage table while a few women busied themselves with tasks in the parlor. “Hey Squirt! Thanks for making the appointment for me. I know you said you’d go with me, but it sounded kinda awkward to have my brother come with me while I get my ass waxed so I went without you. I decided to get my chest waxed too. They told me I’d be three times sexier if my rock hard chest was smooth. I asked one of the ladies to record it so you could see the results. So far, It’s not so bad,” Cooper said as a pretty Asian woman slathered the wax on his chest. “They tried to get me to shave it first but I told them I could take it. The wax actually feels pretty- **HOLY SHIT!”** Cooper screeched as the lady ripped off the large strip of wax near his nipple. “ **BLAINE, YOU LITTLE JERKOFF! THAT HURTS LIKE HELL! TURN IT OFF! HELL NO, I'M NOT LYING BACK DOWN. AND THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL YOU’RE JERKING THE HAIRS OUT OF MY ASS. BLAINE, I’M KICKING YOUR ASS WHEN I GET HOME. ACTUALLY, NO. I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.”**

The video ended abruptly. 

Kurt fell back on the bed laughing. “Oh my God! That was priceless. Did you tell them to do that?”

Blaine nodded as a massive grin spread across his face. “Next time, he’ll call first,” he chuckled. 

He sounded pretty pissed. What do you think he might mean by saying that he had a better idea.”

“I don’t know. It’s Cooper. Remember when he got the bright idea to try to sneak backstage at that Queen concert because he was “famous” enough that the security guard would just let him back.”

“How long is banned from the Nationwide Arena?” Kurt laughed.

“Until 2022,” Blaine chuckled. “If his big idea is as well thought out as that one, we have nothing to worry about. Besides, don't you always say that karma’s a bitch?”

“Almost as big of one as I can be,” Kurt added with a smile.

“You are not a bitch unless someone deserves your wrath, and then you just dish out what’s coming?” Blaine said, kissing Kurt with a loud mwah sound. 

“And you know what should be coming right now? Me. I believe we have unfinished business,” Kurt growled, pulling Blaine down on top of him.

_____________________________________________________________________ 

Half an hour later, both boys are lying naked on Blaine’s bed, kissing lazily, loosely wrapped up in a thin sheet. Kurt let out a sigh and kissed Blaine squarely on the lips.

Kurt sighed as he kissed Blaine sweetly on the forehead. “Now I get it. The reason you blacked out. That was amazing, Blaine. Totally worth the waxing, although I probably won’t endure that again.”

Blaine nuzzled Kurt’s cheek. “I told you that you didn’t need to do it just for me. It’s up to you. I put the wax away in the bathroom cabinet in case you want to do it again.”

“Did you push it to the back? I don’t want your housekeeper or your mom finding it and asking us where it came from. It was bad enough when Lupe found our lube and told your mom about it.” Kurt chuckled as his fingers caressed his boyfriend’s bare chest. 

Blaine nodded to signify that he agreed. “That was mortifying. I got “the talk” after that.”

“Oh please. My dad gave me the talk after you decided that he needed to give me one. It couldn’t have been been as bad as the one my dad gave me. There were pamphlets. How could your experience be worse than mine.”

“My mom gave me a family-sized box of condoms and then demonstrated how to put one on using a banana.”

Kurt laughed. “Oh my god. That is so much worse,” That’s the reason you almost upchucked when I suggested banana splits that weekend.” Kurt chuckled. 

Blaine nodded as Kurt’s phone beeped. “Hey, no phones when we’re messing around,” Blaine reminded Kurt. 

I’m sorry but it’s buzzed three times. I figured it might be important. He grabbed his phone and started checking his notifications. “Hey, Cooper posted something on your Twitter wall,” Kurt said with a smile. 

Blaine reached over and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. “I hope it’s the waxing video. That was hilari-” Blaine froze. “Oh my God! Kurt, did you read it? He tagged us both.” Blaine asked, thrusting his phone in Kurt’s face.

“Oh my God! I’m going to kill him!”

 **Cooper Anderson aka slash savings:** So I have a big announcement. I’ve got a gig on a brand new show that will air next summer. Thanks to my baby bro, Blainey and his beau, Kurt Hummel, for the advice on rimming. Apparently, my gaybies are sexperts after what I walked in on yesterday. 

Underneath was a photo of Blaine bending over a very bare looking Kurt. It was obvious that they were naked even though Cooper had blacked out the boy’s asses.

**“Oh my God! It’s a public post. And he crossposted on Facebook!”** Blaine exclaimed, scrambling out of bed, the sheet barely wrapped around him. “I’m going to kill him, he said as he grabbed his laptop off of the nightstand and jerked it open. He opened his Twitter and pulled up his account.

“You?” Kurt shrieked. “The girls, Mr. Shue! My dad. They’re all on Facebook. I’ll never be able to show my face again. Can you delete it?”

“It’s not my post. Oh my God. He posted twenty minutes ago. People have already started replying.” Blaine exclaimed as he scrolled through the tweets.

**N. Puckerman, Mercedes Jones and 33 others like this.**

**Brittany S. Pierce:** No fair! When Kurt and I were dating, I couldn't even get him to lick my armpits. :(

 **Rachel Barbara Berry: @Brittany S. Pierce.** Ew! 

**Finn Hudson:** Oh God! That’s my little brother! I’ll never unsee that!

 **Fair Porcelain @Finn Hudson:** I’m six months older than you.

 **Santana Lopez @Finn Hudson** : Judging by how much of your little brother Coop blacked out, there’s nothing little there. 

**Puckerman aka Puckasaurus:** Dude. How do you squeeze all of that into those tight ass pants you wear? Emphasis on a tight ass. **@Blaine Warbler:** seems you loosened him up a little, in more ways than one.

 **Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix:** Wanky!

 **Finn Hudson:** I’m outta this conversation. 

**Mercedes Jones:** Do I even want to know what rimming means?”

 **Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix:** It’s some kinky shit. Pun intended.

 **Kurt Hummel@ Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix,** you said your lips were sealed!

 **Santana Lopez@ FairPorcelain** apparently Blaine’s weren’t and neither is your ass. Get it Kurt!

 **Fair Porcelain@Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix,** remember our conversation in the car. I’d check all your products and hair care products for the next six months. Payback’s a bitch.

 **Santana Lopez @Fair Porcelain:** Shutting up.

 **Fair Porcelain@Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix,** Too Late!

 **Puckerman aka Puckasaurus @FairPorcelain:** No reason to get all anal on us, just Blaine. LMAO. 

**Artie Abrams:** I knew they had to be getting it on since after West Side Story, yo. I mean with the way Blaine’s dancing has gone from boy band corny to some hip thrustin’ action. 

**Rachel Barbara Berry:** Oh my god! This is my best friend. How am I ever gonna look at him straight again?

 **Puckerman aka Puckasaurus@ Rachel Barbara Berry** : No worries. Judging by that angle, Blaine doesn’t look at him straight either! 8^D

 **Quinn** **Fabray:** It looks like with your flexibility and willingness to show some skin, Sue might want to recruit both of you for the Cheerios. 

**Fair Porcelain:** This was supposed to be private.

 **N Puckerman aka Puckasaurus @ Fair Porcelain:** Oh trust me. We see privates. 

**Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix** : Wanky!!!!!!

**Blaine** **Warbler @ Cooper Anderson slash savings: WHAT THE HELL, COOP! THIS IS INEXCUSABLE! TAKE IT DOWN THIS INSTANT.**

**N. Puckerman aka Puckasaurus: Take it down. Oooh! I bet that’s what our boy Kurt said.**

**Fair Porcelain @ N. Puckerman aka Paulasaurus:** Oh shut it!

 **Puckerman aka Puckasaurus:** I guarantee that Anderson didn’t say that!

 **Blaine Warbler** @ **N. Puckerman aka Puckasaurus: Stop 🛑!**

 **Puckerman aka Puckasaurus:** I guarantee he didn’t say that either!

 **Fair Porcelain @ N Puckerman aka Puckasaurus:** Butt out!

 **Artie Abrams aka Captain Wheelie:** Another thing I bet Blaine said at that particular moment. :^D

 **Fair Porcelain:** I hate you all right now, especially you@ **Cooper AndersonSlash savings**

 **Cooper Anderson slash savings@ Fair Porcelain:** It looks like you were lovin' My Little Blainey boy very much in that moment! 

**Blaine** **Warbler @ Cooper Anderson slash savings: I’M WARNING YOU! TAKE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW!**

**Cooper Anderson slash savings @ Blaine Warbler: Or What, Squirt? :^D**

**__________________________________________________________________________**

Cooper chuckled to himself as he read the comments on his Twitter page. It was just a joke. He was totally going to take it down. Eventually. Once the sting from the waxing subsided. He winced as he softly rubbed over the bare spot on his chest. All of a sudden, his phone began ringing. He answered it without even looking, which he immediately regretted doing when he heard the high pitched squeal from the other side of the line.

**“Oh My God! Is this Cooper Anderson? From the Free Credit Rating Today Dot Com Commercials? I can’t believe that you tweeted that video with your phone number! My girlfriend Celeste, well, my bff, not my girlfriend, girlfriend, said that I shouldn't call because a real celebrity wouldn’t actually tweet his phone number, but I told her it had to be you because I follow your Twitter religiously and you do crazy stuff like this all the time. And hey, don’t worry about the botched wax job. That shit hurts. You’re still a sexy-”**

Cooper hit the end call button and pulled up his Twitter to see that Blaine had responded to his Tweet. 

**Blaine Warbler@Cooper Anderson slash savings:** Digging your new look!

He didn’t even have to click play to know it was the video of him getting waxed, but it wasn’t just the short clip he had sent Blaine. It was the entire session which had ended with him running out of the spa with only a towel clutched around his waist, screaming obscenities. He couldn’t even watch the video without being interrupted every few seconds by another obnoxious fan calling to see if it was really him on the phone. He quickly deleted the video and changed his password when he heard his phone ring again. 

“Hi, yes, sorry mate, but this is not the superstar Cooper Anderson from the FreeCreditReportratingsTodayDotCom,” he said in his best Australian accent. “Someone was just pulling your leg-

“Cooper, darling. This is Slyvia, your agent. And Bridgett from PR is on the line.”

 **“Cooper, Oh My god! What have you done this time! Tweeting your number?”** Bridgett screeched.

“I didn’t do that. That was my brother. But I’ve already contacted Verizon about changing my number and I took down the tweet. Hopefully, it won’t be that bad.”

“Oh, I wasn’t even upset by all of that, Darling,” Slyvia said matter of factly. “I’m more upset by the announcement on Facebook that you’re down exclusively doing gay porn. I told you if you wanted to do that, then I could hook you up with the right connections. Just last week, XXXTRA contacted me about you doing that new movie, How to Strain Your Dragon: The Hidden Hole.”

“Sylvia, I’m not doing porn,” he sighed. “Not again, anyway." Cooper sighed and muttered to himself. "Well played, Blainey. Well played." 

“Oh poo, darling. But are you still wanting to do the article with Men’s Health magazine? They’ll want to do an exclusive with you.”

Cooper smiled. “They want to do an exclusive with me? Why? Because of the show and the life-saving techniques I learned for the role?

Bridgett laughed. “No. They want to do an exclusive about your mechanophilia. It’s not every day that somebody admits that they like to stick their junk into tailpipes and engines and stuff.”

“What!” Cooper gasped, causing him to almost fumble his phone. He took a deep breath. “Ladies, I’ve got to go. Please call the magazine and tell them I’d be thrilled to do an interview, but that someone was just playing a joke about the car thing. I like to have sex in cars, not with them. But I’d love to talk about the complications of performing CPR on a mannequin and how I almost drowned after I hit my head when I dove into the wrong side of the pool.” Cooper chuckled. “And I’ll make sure that I will change my Facebook password too. But I have to go. I need to make another call.” Cooper hit the end call button and hit Blaine’s name on his contacts.

“ **BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON, I WILL KICK YOUR HAIRLESS AS-”**

**“COOPER EUGENE ANDERSON, YOU ARE EXPECTED HOME IN TWENTY MINUTES, IS THAT CLEAR, YOUNG MAN!”**

“Yes ma’am, I mean, mom.” Cooper gulped.

* * *

"Hey, gotta wrap this up. Mom said five minutes and I'm pretty sure she means it," Blaine said into his camera.

“Was it worth it, being grounded for a month?” Kurt asked Blaine over Facetime. 

“Yeah, it really was. You should’ve seen Coop’s face. Mom’s really scary when you do something to embarrass our family name,” Blaine shuddered. 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt pouted. I didn’t mean to get you grounded.

“Don’t be. Even with all this craziness, I had the most incredible time with you, and it was all worth it, although it sucks that we won’t be able to do it again for a long time,” Blaine said with his biggest puppy-dog pout.

“That just means we’ll have to improvise,” Kurt grinned slyly. 

“What do you suggest?” Blaine asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“When I went to that sex shop, I might have picked up something that I didn’t let Santana know about,” Kurt smirked. “Something we could play with.”

“Oh God, Kurt. Did you buy a toy?”

Kurt smiled and bit his lip, his cheeks blushing red. “Maybe.”

“That’s so hot. We’ll have to-”

All of a sudden, Kurt’s door jerked open. Finn held up Kurt’s new razor. “Hey, dude. Is it ok that I borrowed your razor? I couldn’t find mine.”

Kurt bit his lip trying to stifle his laughter when he thought about the last thing he had shaved with that razor was Blaine’s ass. “Yeah, sure.”

“Why do they call it the Lawnmower?” Finn asked, scratching his head.

“I’m sure they have their reasons, Finn,” Kurt laughed. 

__________________________________________________________________________ 

  
**Author’s Notes:** Well, that’s it for this piece. I hope that you all liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Reviews are like chocolates. I’d love to hear from you guys. 

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes: I betaed this myself so I hope there weren’t too many mistakes. I hope you enjoyed this and don’t want to kill me for screwing with you. You guys know how I am with puns and analogies. Get it “anal’ogies? Sorry. So, thoughts? If you guys like it, I just may continue this.


End file.
